The Office Christmas Party

Ah, Christmas in the office. As we sit in our hats and scarves because the heating has broken down for the third year in a row and admire the fifteen year old decorations hanging limply from the door frames, we wonder what fresh horrors the festive season has in store. Because Christmas means the Office Christmas Party (or should that be partaay?)

A Christmas Party should be a very straightforward affair. Employees get taken to the pub by the boss, they buy all the drinks and everyone gets cheerfully drunk together. Job done. But at the University of Cockleton, they remember the true meaning of Christmas. Just as Christ was born to reconcile Man with God, so the Christmas Party hath been given unto us to unite Academics and Administrators.

This means that some poor sod will end up drawing Professor Bluster for their Secret Santa and buying him "comedy" socks out of sheer desperation and then enduring the further pain of  having to sit next to him in the pub and make excruciating small talk about his geraniums.

So a Christmas message to Cockleton management: I know we should all be rockin' around the (Fire Safety Officer-approved) Christmas tree together or something but come on! Imagine how disappointed the Three Wise Men would have been if they'd rocked up at Bethlehem and found that the Baby Jesus was actually an obnoxious teenager from Stevenage called Darren. After a long, hard year of administrating we just want to get pissed with our colleagues and have a bloody good moan. For verily, this is the True Meaning of Christmas.