Types of Administrator # 1: The Useless PA

The role of PA is much underrated. In fact, you often hear the job title prefaced with the word 'just,' as in 'she's just a PA.' This does a great disservice to the entire profession, which essentially keeps the University of Cockleton going. It's only due to them that academics not only turn up to meetings but actually have a clue as to what they're about.

You only realise how invaluable PAs are when you've experienced the Useless PA. The Useless PA is in no way personal and is damned if she's going to assist anyone. Oh sure, she wrote that she has 'IT skills' on her CV but that doesn't extend to anything complicated like Outlook. She's utterly bemused by these people who ring her and email her questions about Professor Bluster's diary: how the hell is she supposed to know what he's doing? And she really wishes they would stop cc-ing her into Prof Bluster's emails. She doesn't need her Inbox getting clogged up with all his shit. Well, at least she imagines it's getting clogged up because she doesn't actually know how to get into it...

If I stack files in front of this thing, will that stop the emails coming through?

Toilet Etiquette

I'm never entirely sure of how friendly one should be in the office toilets. Should one acknowledge co-workers as they're going in and out of cubicles? And then do you start a conversation with them? I did that last week with a colleague as we both stood next to each other drying our hands. I felt I had to break the silence so we ended up discussing how nice it would be to have a Dyson Airblade. Dorothy Parker it wasn't.

Toilets, especially for girls I think, are places of sanctuary. If you feel like you're going to have a cry you run to the toilets. If you sense your hair is suddenly going off piste, you run for the toilets. If you're suffering a hangover from the night before, you run for the toilets. And maybe the last thing you want is to have to make small talk.

Smart girls (and boys) use the disabled toilet. Total privacy and acres of space for whatever it is you need to do. Only problem is, the whole office is obviously getting smarter cos an unengaged, stench-free disabled toilet is like El Dorado these days.

And as to the toilet etiquette in the gents, I can only wonder.

So...what are your thoughts on quantitative easing?